Life…
Posted on July 17, 2010Its not always easy to be in high spirits. Sometimes it is important to just be yourself and be honest to yourself. After what all happened in the past one year, life has changed 180 degree. It seems that I have to build my self and my emotions from scratch. I feel so dry and messed up. I have developed a new problem for myself- The habit of forgetting stuff. Yes, I have now started loosing my concentration. As if my mind is focusing on something very distant. I tend to forget things. Very trivial things. The world Trivial reminds me of HIM. Infact, a lot of things remind me of HIM. It is not really possible to let go of this entire issue so easily. I was in love with HIM and now we are no more together. He has found some one in HIS life and I am still struggling to just stop loving HIM.
My boss says that I am messing up a lot here on breakinthecode. I am not clear with what I write. How can I be clear boss, when I am not clear with what I want from my life. Sometimes unexpected sadness creeps in. I am fine one moment and the next moment I am lost. Even when I am with people. He used to say,”you behave as if you are the only one who is heartbroken and in pain”. Yes dear, for me, the world around me is fine. I am just trying to grapple with my own self.
Not that I never try. I do try to be happy but then, now I have to TRY to be happy.I have everything, fun,sex,friends,family,men. All I dont have is the excitement of living, the joy of waking up in the morning and smiling. Days are tough and lonely and unfortunately no one can take away this loneliness except HIM.
HIM….the only man who I thought would support me till the end without being selfish.Who would understand me and never leave me thinking, that I should move on, who would know that my happiness is with HIM and not without HIM.
Party Time For All…
Posted on July 09, 2010Honestly, I am in no mood to write today. However, the day that went by CANNOT be missed from registering here. Today I completed one year to my breakup. Yes, today was my breakup anniversary with HIM! And you know what! I had a breakup party at my place. Those 4-5 hours were the most emotionally, sexually as well as mentally satisfying for me! I had friends come over. I gave a breakup speech as well….here it goes
time to party
I cannot forget that there was some one in my life who actually fooled me to believe that love exists. He made me feel special. So special that no one ever did (a guy in the audience frowned!). I loved HIM and I do not need to to justify to bloody any one the parameter of my feelings for HIM. He hurt me and I still stood by HIM and took refuge in HIS friendship. But I thought myself to be weak..but in reality I was the one who was strong. I took all HIS nonsense, HIS attitude, His arrogance and did not regret ones. But today, when I look back I have my last innocent prayer for him. GOD PLEASE TAKE CARE OF HIM.GIVE HIM GOOD HEALTH,HAPPY FAMILY AND SUCCESSFUL CAREER.MAY HE GET THE MOST LOVING PARTNER.PLEASE FORGIVE HIS SINS AND MAY HE NEVER GET WHAT HE GAVE ME….LET ALL MY LOVE TURN INTO BLESSINGS AND FOLLOW HIM TILL THE END.
To the man who ones made be believe that love exists…Amen!
and after that there was no end to the booze! I don’t remember what exactly I yapped after that but, I do remember thanking my friends for being there, having a close dance with my friend (the same guy who frowned!) and rest was as they say history 
Goodbye My Almost Lover…..
Posted on June 23, 2010So, I like this song, and heard it long time ago. But it is now that it makes sense. Dedicated to HIM
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind images
You sang me spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes clever trick
Well i?d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you?d want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images no
Well i?d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you?d want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and i’m haunted
And i bet you are just fine
Did i make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Why can’t you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Friends Forever!
Posted on June 21, 2010Every Morning I wish i could Just stay..Wish the mornings would just stay…
I love my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love them more than myself! They know what I want, what I like, What I dislike….when I am sad and what is it that I need to set my mood right. Is this any less than miracle? Fuck the bloody world that makes me cry and fuck those people who think I am an idiot.
My buddies, My Life!
Yes, Am an idiot but, my friends are not. Do you know what gives me the strength to stand up again when I fall down because of my own stupidity and my emotions? It is those hundreds of messages and phone calls that my friends send me, telling me how much they love me and how much they want me to be happy. And hell yeah I am happy with them. I forget all the pain. All the misery that my bloody use less love gave me. They make it a point that I cherish their love more than HIS who gives a damn and is may be moving around the city with some new freaking doll!
Go to hell you! I might cry a thousand coming nights because of you but you what! My friends have the power to dissolve the pain like magic does. You think you are gonna give me bad time? LOLZ! my friends will not let you. Every time you hurt me, every time they will come to make me happy. You are nothing. To every one who ever thought that hurting me is easy. Yes, you are right but fighting my friends and their hopes attached to me is IMPOSSIBLE! Bloody freaking losers. I dedicate this post to two of my best buddies. I wish I could mention your names guys. But you are far more important than me mentioning your name here. I love you both! muah!
My Confession..I Am Lovin It!
Posted on June 19, 2010I Natasha James Hereby Declared that I completely Drool over my Boss. Yes! also I give a fuck to whatever he deciphers out of this but OMG, the world should see my reaction every time he calls.Rather, I should see my reaction. Even he had caught it ones when I said that long sighed ‘Helloooo’!
No offense to the love of my life but, dude, he is the first man after you I found better than you! The attitude, the ruthlessness and the laugh, oh specially that devilish laugh on the phone gives me all the reasons to be happy.After such a long time I have found some to actually look forward to talk to. All men looked the same to me otherwise! The same dumb flirtatious attitude, (and they actually think they can win the woman!) the same dumb ‘you look hot’ compliments..Aargghhh!
However, as for any one who is reading my posts regularly should have known by now that my boss is such an important part of my writing. So, today I decided to confess the secret. Whats the big harm in it, I know he won’t be able to keep the thought in his mind for more than 60seconds (that is the best part about him) and just smirk it off!
However, the only way to impress boss is by working hard, which I am planning to start off with pretty soon, I have not had his attention from soooo long!
But Yayeee…I have a crush on my boss and his brain! The way he plans his ideas and future techniques is impressive. I like men who know what they want and unfortunately I do not come across many like this. All of them are either running blindly after money or that hot chick who won’t talk to any guy.Anyways…my boss is nothing like these idiots! He is money minded and that is what i adore. Some One had said some shit to him about me some time back though, but I hope he does not care much.
(You will not kill me after reading this! Right Boss!)
