I Need My Magus Back..
Posted on May 12, 2010Crap!..Stupid emotional days are back. My life remains the same as before. Last year the same month, my schedule used to be the same. 6 o clock jogging..coming back by 8 and then talking to HIM. HE gets up early. Then when everyone in my family would go to their respective workplaces, I would turn on the Radio In the Music System so that I don’t feel all alone in the house. But then, I would get to to the phone and start talking to HIM and won’t even remember which song is being played. Life is more or less the same even now. Just with the difference that I don’t have HIM and the music system does not help in getting rid of the Loneliness anymore…
I am missing HIM today (so obvious!)..and I don’t know how to tell HIM this. I will ruin the friendship. Getting annoyed by HIM helps but, not for long. I decided to watch some movie today and the first movie I saw coming, was one movie that we had seem together of a different language. I feel so stupid now that loving HIM has cost me more than I had imagined. HE is so sure that we will never be together and I have completely accepted the fact. But, you know sometimes (which is almost every night) I dream of HIM..of HIM proposing me and perhaps, that is why I don’t sleep. That is so dumb..I know that.and i laugh at myself so frequently and today I am crying..crying for HIM after such a long time. I thought I had become strong..but no…certain memories remain and the bad ones never leave.
Now I know why do people say that Love happens only ones…You may feel love many times for different men but, you feel heartache THIS bad only for one.Like always..I end up shouting in the empty house… DON’T GO Please… Come Back…I Love You… Like Always..For Forever…
I LOVE YOU
See even I can act like a dumb emotional ass. I am not weak sweetheart but, like I cannot refuse my own existence..I cannot refuse my love… I feel so lost and scared without you. As if I am so scared with everything..I need HIM back..Please God…..Give me back my Magus…
(btw my friend Sahil just called to ask me what is Brazilian Wax…God!!! how can Men be so curious??…now i can’t stop laughing… that is why I Love my friends)
Happy! :-)
Posted on May 08, 2010I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Seriously I don’t think I have been happier that this ever since I Started writing here. It feels good. I am such a bitch! Honestly! I have done the most forbidden, the most ‘not so moral’ stuff, lied to people, to my family but one guy! Yes, it’s HIM. I have never lied to him. Never in the past one year, I felt like lying to HIM. This was the comfort level we shared. and yAyeeeeeeeeeeeeee….I continue my record. yyeeepppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… See basically I don’t have much to tell , as I cannot express my feelings inside me. This is the most stupid part. When you cannot express your feelings in words.
Yesss....My Face Is exactly like this....
I was sitting with my friend today, and we were discussing our journey so far together( Yes, we gals are bloody velli and emotional) and when we reached my life one year back and HE came into focus I stopped babbling. It was a different feeling that was surfacing itself in my heart. The freshness of life that I felt in those days. Everything was the same. My dwelling was the same,my family,family environment..But everything sad and bad was too trivial to pay attention to. The most beautiful feeling was inside me and the guy who gave me that feeling with me.
See, Now you people see…how can I expect myself to move on..when he is so much within my………..(pause)……. existence? ( did i even make sense with that line?) I wanna know your experience with Love..any one? anyone at all?
Are You A Good Flirt?…Then Get Outa Here!!!!
Posted on April 30, 2010Sometimes you just cannot really help but curse yourself for bringing up issues that take you down the memory lane. I did the same today. I know, I had promised that I will never discuss HIM. Yet, today while conversing with a friend HE entered my head. My friend said, “flirting is an art” and I swear i felt like dropping an Hiroshima type Bomb on him. But then, how can I say anything to him. I myself was a fool to trust HIM. I love him. He knows that. I know that he knows that. Sometimes You just cannot hate people. Even If they have hurt you to the core. Today all my memories came back. Like those similar Bollywood movies flashback scenes. lolz.. When he used to hold my hand when we used to go for walks, When he wont let me use the umbrella if it started raining, 
My reaction To People Who Flirt
He never showed it but, he observed every single detail about me. How he understood everything before I ever had the need of speaking it. Is it really possible? Getting so close to someone, knowing every detail about me (he even remembered my dates of cycles) without really being involved emotional. How is that possible? It requires a lot of involvement. Even if he did like me, aisa kya hua that hi just stopped feeling for me. Leaving me speechless in the dark? I called him today. I could not help myself. I miss him so much every day. I wish I could tell him this. Or make him believe that no one will love him more than me. But, as they say. It was my fault that i believed him when he never said ‘I LOVE YOU’.
Does love happen only when these words are said? NO! Love happens when you see some one looking at you with those eyes that make you feel so nervous, it happens when you spend countless hours just talking to him and never running out of a topic, when you see your cellphone a 100 times in a minute and when it beeps ‘you smile’.
For people who think flirting is not wrong- You guys are wrong!!! Trust me. You will be held responsible for taking away innocence and belief of those so many people who believe in LOVE and believe in you. Please if my words matter to any of you or you connected with any one thought of mine. Please value people who love you. You cannot love them back? that is fine. Just make them feel special. They have suffered a lot for your love my dear.
Boss thanx for the encouraging words today…I adore you even more now 
love
mmuuaaahhhh
Hurt(Again!)
Posted on April 19, 2010I don’t know if it is because of my delayed periods or what, but it seems I am getting all cranky and emotional everyday.I just can’t get enough of crying which,is accompanied by alcohol hidden in my cupboard!It seems we have alcohol to feel something bitter than the emotions in our hearts.It is like with every sip we feel the bitterness and say,”If i can take this, then oh baby this stupid pain in the heart is simply shit for me”.
thats me when I am hurt
This is a tough feeling.To punish yourself with bitterness to ease the pain that is being given by the feelings in the heart and head. My boss says he does not give into,or believes in emotional ties up.Boss, there is just one word for you-LIAR!!!! Stop lying to me that you have never loved a girl or are not in a relationship.Everyone falls for emotions.We just love to hide them in order to not get hurt further.I won’t hurt you boss,trust me.Even I get hurt but,I leave my wounds open.Open to everyone to further hurt me with their stupid advices.They act as salt on my wounds.And then,i become stronger,Strong enough to again Love HIM.Am i again leading myself to him?Yes, I am.Everything leads me to HIM and I am not afraid to face HIM.Rather he should be the one to be afraid of me.HE ditched me to be with better bitches.(I am the simpler of the other bitches.Simple Bitch)
Goddammit HE thinks I will stop loving him if he puts his status msgs on FB and g talk declaring his sexual encounter?Fuck off!I fell for you when you were already committed and I have seen you come in and out of women(as in their thoughts you dirty mind!!!!)And still I love you,drool over you like crazy.Shuh!Why do men have to underestimate the depth of a woman’s emotions.Why do you feel that we will forget you that easily?For all you men, you should know,if we allowed you to get in bed with us we will always want to see you happy(does that even make any sense?)
Anyways, the point is I am hurt(again)I am crying(again) and I have a very little,but strong amount of alcohol inside me(again).I hope i get through with these stupid emotional phases soon.Being a women is such a pain in the ass.literally.all women will agree.You men should also be given this responsibility of menstrual cycles,conceiving child and all.Then you people will realize that it is so bad to hurt a lady when she is ALREADY in pain….
I Miss You…
Posted on April 17, 2010Okay…Today I really want to share this stuff.I had written this around a few months back for HIM! It was late in the night and i was missing him a lot.But, i could not tell him.I knew he was fast asleep and I also knew he would declare it insane if I would have called him up at that hour.So here it goes…my feelings and love for him straight from the heart.
WARNING:diabetes patients beware..it is too sugar coated!
Flashback begins…
It is again one of those nights that do not allow me to sleep.I myself don’t feel like sleeping and miss the opportunity to admire this beautiful night.It is calm night.A quite one.The wind is strong but harmless.The moon spells it’s beauty like never before.Though it’s not a full moon night but I doubt if full moon would have looked better than this.The combination of darkness of the night and brightness of the moon give the sky a breathtaking look!To add on to the beauty small patches of clouds are outlined by silver moonlight.
Oh baby, I wish you could be here with me.Together we could feel the breeze move.I would lie down with your arms wrapped around me.Like a little child is protected from the cold outside.I would feel your breath, with my face buried in your chest.
I know right now you must be fast asleep,dreaming of someone I can never be.:-(But I hope that my feelings reach you somehow, and you get to know how much I an missing you right now.It’s not love that makes people special in your lives.It’s their absence that makes them worth being special.I love you and may be I will never be able to tell you how much.All I can do is hope,that you feel with the same intensity.
LOVE you always….
Back to the present….
So..this is what i felt that night.I never got a chance to make him read this, Because we broke up in the next few days.There still are beautiful nights but, no more do they look special to me now.He is no longer with me.
