Life…
Posted on July 17, 2010Its not always easy to be in high spirits. Sometimes it is important to just be yourself and be honest to yourself. After what all happened in the past one year, life has changed 180 degree. It seems that I have to build my self and my emotions from scratch. I feel so dry and messed up. I have developed a new problem for myself- The habit of forgetting stuff. Yes, I have now started loosing my concentration. As if my mind is focusing on something very distant. I tend to forget things. Very trivial things. The world Trivial reminds me of HIM. Infact, a lot of things remind me of HIM. It is not really possible to let go of this entire issue so easily. I was in love with HIM and now we are no more together. He has found some one in HIS life and I am still struggling to just stop loving HIM.
My boss says that I am messing up a lot here on breakinthecode. I am not clear with what I write. How can I be clear boss, when I am not clear with what I want from my life. Sometimes unexpected sadness creeps in. I am fine one moment and the next moment I am lost. Even when I am with people. He used to say,”you behave as if you are the only one who is heartbroken and in pain”. Yes dear, for me, the world around me is fine. I am just trying to grapple with my own self.
Not that I never try. I do try to be happy but then, now I have to TRY to be happy.I have everything, fun,sex,friends,family,men. All I dont have is the excitement of living, the joy of waking up in the morning and smiling. Days are tough and lonely and unfortunately no one can take away this loneliness except HIM.
HIM….the only man who I thought would support me till the end without being selfish.Who would understand me and never leave me thinking, that I should move on, who would know that my happiness is with HIM and not without HIM.
Party Time For All…
Posted on July 09, 2010Honestly, I am in no mood to write today. However, the day that went by CANNOT be missed from registering here. Today I completed one year to my breakup. Yes, today was my breakup anniversary with HIM! And you know what! I had a breakup party at my place. Those 4-5 hours were the most emotionally, sexually as well as mentally satisfying for me! I had friends come over. I gave a breakup speech as well….here it goes
time to party
I cannot forget that there was some one in my life who actually fooled me to believe that love exists. He made me feel special. So special that no one ever did (a guy in the audience frowned!). I loved HIM and I do not need to to justify to bloody any one the parameter of my feelings for HIM. He hurt me and I still stood by HIM and took refuge in HIS friendship. But I thought myself to be weak..but in reality I was the one who was strong. I took all HIS nonsense, HIS attitude, His arrogance and did not regret ones. But today, when I look back I have my last innocent prayer for him. GOD PLEASE TAKE CARE OF HIM.GIVE HIM GOOD HEALTH,HAPPY FAMILY AND SUCCESSFUL CAREER.MAY HE GET THE MOST LOVING PARTNER.PLEASE FORGIVE HIS SINS AND MAY HE NEVER GET WHAT HE GAVE ME….LET ALL MY LOVE TURN INTO BLESSINGS AND FOLLOW HIM TILL THE END.
To the man who ones made be believe that love exists…Amen!
and after that there was no end to the booze! I don’t remember what exactly I yapped after that but, I do remember thanking my friends for being there, having a close dance with my friend (the same guy who frowned!) and rest was as they say history 
Goodbye My Almost Lover…..
Posted on June 23, 2010So, I like this song, and heard it long time ago. But it is now that it makes sense. Dedicated to HIM
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind images
You sang me spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes clever trick
Well i?d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you?d want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images no
Well i?d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you?d want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and i’m haunted
And i bet you are just fine
Did i make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Why can’t you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Pearls Of Wisdom By ME!
Posted on June 17, 2010I am sorry and I take all the responsibility of the stupid and lame thoughts that had been hovering on my mind! These are the side affects of being an emotional ass (boss would agree). See, it is all veru simple. It is all about being honest to your own self. Why I am saying this, is because until and unless I am not true to myself I will not be able to convey my thoughts to any one (not even you!) I love HIM. I can probably fool every one around myself that I am just happy being friends with HIM but deep down I know I LOVE HIM. There is a difference between friendship and love.
Peace,Love And Happiness
This is the reason behind all my suffering. I had been trying to be some one I am not. I had been trying to be HIS best friend where as I wanted the attention a lover wants. I had been trying to convince myself and compromise on my feelings. i know it now. I love HIM, HE does not! Painful but, simple. So if you guys are fooling around with the world then go ahead guys, but remember, in the end of the day before you go to sleep you know that there is something nagging you. It is your conscience. You know what you want. The first step to be happy is being true to yourself.
Love mmuuuaaahhhh
Hello…Can Any One Help?
Posted on June 12, 2010I cannot express these feelings. I cannot express any thing today. I thought I had got over my weakness, that I had given myself a second chance, A chance of being happy. But, I was wrong. I am still stuck at that weakness. The weakness we call LOVE. I am not over HIM. For those who need a recap- I am in love with some one who is n0t in love with me. and the way I show my inability to fall out of love HE shows HIS inability of not falling in love with me. I do not know the reason. I cannot curse myself for not being HIS perfect girl. I don’t want to do that, but now I am again in that same sad state where heart ache is the worst emotion and by the end of the day I have tears in my eyes.
Again Sad..
I want him or not, I am too frustrated at myself to think that. I don’t know what I want.. probably some good sleep.
Please readers…i love you all for reading this but, Don not fall in love (Atleast till the time I bounce back with enthusiasm and write something bright and beautiful!)
