Hello…Can Any One Help?
Posted on June 12, 2010I cannot express these feelings. I cannot express any thing today. I thought I had got over my weakness, that I had given myself a second chance, A chance of being happy. But, I was wrong. I am still stuck at that weakness. The weakness we call LOVE. I am not over HIM. For those who need a recap- I am in love with some one who is n0t in love with me. and the way I show my inability to fall out of love HE shows HIS inability of not falling in love with me. I do not know the reason. I cannot curse myself for not being HIS perfect girl. I don’t want to do that, but now I am again in that same sad state where heart ache is the worst emotion and by the end of the day I have tears in my eyes.
Again Sad..
I want him or not, I am too frustrated at myself to think that. I don’t know what I want.. probably some good sleep.
Please readers…i love you all for reading this but, Don not fall in love (Atleast till the time I bounce back with enthusiasm and write something bright and beautiful!)
Happy! :-)
Posted on May 08, 2010I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Seriously I don’t think I have been happier that this ever since I Started writing here. It feels good. I am such a bitch! Honestly! I have done the most forbidden, the most ‘not so moral’ stuff, lied to people, to my family but one guy! Yes, it’s HIM. I have never lied to him. Never in the past one year, I felt like lying to HIM. This was the comfort level we shared. and yAyeeeeeeeeeeeeee….I continue my record. yyeeepppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… See basically I don’t have much to tell , as I cannot express my feelings inside me. This is the most stupid part. When you cannot express your feelings in words.
Yesss....My Face Is exactly like this....
I was sitting with my friend today, and we were discussing our journey so far together( Yes, we gals are bloody velli and emotional) and when we reached my life one year back and HE came into focus I stopped babbling. It was a different feeling that was surfacing itself in my heart. The freshness of life that I felt in those days. Everything was the same. My dwelling was the same,my family,family environment..But everything sad and bad was too trivial to pay attention to. The most beautiful feeling was inside me and the guy who gave me that feeling with me.
See, Now you people see…how can I expect myself to move on..when he is so much within my………..(pause)……. existence? ( did i even make sense with that line?) I wanna know your experience with Love..any one? anyone at all?
ZZzzzzzz………
Posted on April 21, 2010What a day!!!!I mean I might fall down any moment and go to sleep.I am that tired!But still,what a day?I made mistakes today at work and I am kind of upset about it.But, I am glad that I learnt something.It is a good experience.To learn.I had a very hectic day and I m kind of drained out with the energy and all.Still, I think all this is worth learning something.I might never learn it from any one or any other source in my life.I know
I am sooo tird
I am weak at certain ends and trust me I am not proud of it.But, I am feeling bad because of HIS attitude.I called HIM to take some help and he refused.Said that he does not know whereas,he was the one who had taught me the same thing sometime back.i wonder why are people so selfish.Not that I am very selfless, but still.I understand if you are bad,mean and rude to some one who has been the sme to you.This is human nature.But, unnecessarily why do people have to behave like a ass wholes?Does not make sense?Does it?
Just because I had been praising some one else in front of HIM from past couple of days,he has started behaving like this.Then fine,if I find someone very interesting.More than you then I have the complete right to praise him.Go to hell man.I live my life on my own rules according to m own comfert.I have in any case wasted many months and years after just one man.Now I need to focus life according to my own terms.I believe that is how it should be.There is a limit to everything.Too much of love,Too much of care in any case does not make you feel right
So,I’ll end it here.Damn tired.I declare the mood of the day to be..’exhausted!’
Love you all
MMuuaahhh
Good Happy Days Are Back Again
Posted on April 20, 2010Yaayyeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! I am happy!!!!!!!!Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay,let me get a grip on myself first…hmm..pheww….Finally after so many bloody sad, depressing days I am feeling happy.I was just going through my previous entries.If you have read them and still alive or not abusing me then baby, You really love me!I mean..Oh God!!So much of depression!I myself had started feeling bad and all sympathetic about myself.
But you know, Natasha James is not just about emotions.I am lot more than that.Actually it has been so long i got someone laid!Honestly(boss, remove that smirk!)I really think that before my libido goes inactive I should find someone for myself!Yessss…these were the wordings i was dying to say to my self!Move on!!!!!Who the fuck cares If I am still in love with HIM or not.Once I am with some one else then,probably he will automatically take a back seat.This is what I was thinking.I am free now.Was kinda busy from past few days,so all that depression and plus stupid dumb periods won’t happen!!!!No!I am not pregnant(i think so…ahm ahm!!!NO i am NOT pregnant)I would have known.
Anyways..so brand new determination!A brand new guy should be on his way now because, I am calling out for him!I will not even have to say it to myself that I still love HIM.If he does not care then who am I to bother.Now, careful, I am not saying that there will not be any talk about him but yes I can at least think of getting busy and not think of HIM much.
my happy face,winking
Why the fuck in this entire bloody world should I be the only dumb ass to wait for HIM.In any case HE has too many girls to keep HIM busy so probably I’ll take a break.He can have number of smooches and excellent romps with any girl.I am tired now.I need to refresh myself.
So,life seems good so far,I have truck loads of work coming up and, hopefully this time I’ll enjoy it.No more depressing shit for anyone…..
Oh BTW I am so happy because….I just feel like being happy 
Love you people
MMuuaaahhhhhhh
I Refuse To Give Up!!! So Should You….
Posted on April 11, 2010Stick to the fight when you are hardest hit
I had read these lines somewhere, and now they seem to have become very important for me. Every time i think of giving up on something or some one, i recall these lines. Few years back i was someone completely different. I was someone who was sure that life is full surprises but now, i know life is full of shocks. In those beautiful early stages of my life i was sure that no matter what happens,life is about good things, good people and true feelings. But now at a stage when girls start experiencing their first love I , have unfortunately realized there is nothing true and honest about these feeling. Everything is temperory and leaves you ones it’s purpose is solved. People come into your lives, make you happy, then go away when some one else grabs their attention. and they leave. Irrespective of the fact that you still need them or not. Selfishness knows how to make it’s presence clear in your life. So, people keep telling me, world is bad, don’t trust anyone. But, I refuse to give in to such negativity. Yes, i am hurt right now, yes, i also have someone who has hurt me. But, i will never hate him. I will never think he is a bad guy. If i am shattered that is because I am weak, not because some XYZ came in my life played with my feelings and left me. The entire world goes through it and I am no different.But, it is upon me how to take the blow. Either i can cry, abuse and blame him for exploiting me mentally and physically or I can have a compassionate heart and thank him that he gave me a beautiful time. He taught what does the world ‘UNCONDITIONAL LOVE ‘ is. I can easily get away by gaining sympathy and throwing him out of my life. That is how every girl does it. But, i refuse to let my weakness overpower me. I am a person who know how bad,mean and cruel this world is.But, i refuse to let this negativity take over me. In the end I have to suffer because of him. But i prefer to suffer with a smile on my face. I am dumb enough to trust every person i meet and get hurt but, I am strong enough to stand up after blow and spread the strength of never giving up and believing that every soul is pure.I will not get infected by others who have suffered and allowed themselves to change.I will stop the cycle when it comes to me. So that i don’t spread it further.
The Game Is not over
Coz i hav’nt won yet
