Its not always easy to be in high spirits. Sometimes it is important to just be yourself and be honest to yourself. After what all happened in the past one year, life has changed 180 degree. It seems that I have to build my self and my emotions  from scratch. I feel so dry and messed up. I have developed a new problem for myself- The habit of forgetting stuff. Yes, I have now started loosing my concentration. As if my mind is focusing on something very distant. I tend to forget things. Very trivial things. The world Trivial reminds me of HIM. Infact, a lot of things remind me of HIM. It is not really possible to let go of this entire issue so easily. I was in love with HIM and now we are no more together. He has found some one in HIS life and I am still struggling to just stop loving HIM.

My boss says that I am messing up a lot here on breakinthecode. I am not clear with what I write. How can I be clear boss, when I am not clear with what I want from my life. Sometimes unexpected sadness creeps in. I am fine one moment and the next moment I am lost. Even when I am with people. He used to say,”you behave as if you are the only one who is heartbroken and in pain”. Yes dear, for me, the world around me is fine. I am just trying to grapple with my own self.

Not that I never try. I do try to be happy but then, now I have to TRY to be happy.I have everything, fun,sex,friends,family,men. All I dont have is the excitement of living, the joy of waking up in the morning and smiling. Days are tough and lonely and unfortunately no one can take away this loneliness except HIM.

HIM….the only man who I thought would support me till the end without being selfish.Who would understand me and never leave me thinking, that I should move on, who would know that my happiness is with HIM and not without HIM.

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