Life…
Posted on July 17, 2010Its not always easy to be in high spirits. Sometimes it is important to just be yourself and be honest to yourself. After what all happened in the past one year, life has changed 180 degree. It seems that I have to build my self and my emotions from scratch. I feel so dry and messed up. I have developed a new problem for myself- The habit of forgetting stuff. Yes, I have now started loosing my concentration. As if my mind is focusing on something very distant. I tend to forget things. Very trivial things. The world Trivial reminds me of HIM. Infact, a lot of things remind me of HIM. It is not really possible to let go of this entire issue so easily. I was in love with HIM and now we are no more together. He has found some one in HIS life and I am still struggling to just stop loving HIM.
My boss says that I am messing up a lot here on breakinthecode. I am not clear with what I write. How can I be clear boss, when I am not clear with what I want from my life. Sometimes unexpected sadness creeps in. I am fine one moment and the next moment I am lost. Even when I am with people. He used to say,”you behave as if you are the only one who is heartbroken and in pain”. Yes dear, for me, the world around me is fine. I am just trying to grapple with my own self.
Not that I never try. I do try to be happy but then, now I have to TRY to be happy.I have everything, fun,sex,friends,family,men. All I dont have is the excitement of living, the joy of waking up in the morning and smiling. Days are tough and lonely and unfortunately no one can take away this loneliness except HIM.
HIM….the only man who I thought would support me till the end without being selfish.Who would understand me and never leave me thinking, that I should move on, who would know that my happiness is with HIM and not without HIM.
Party Time For All…
Posted on July 09, 2010Honestly, I am in no mood to write today. However, the day that went by CANNOT be missed from registering here. Today I completed one year to my breakup. Yes, today was my breakup anniversary with HIM! And you know what! I had a breakup party at my place. Those 4-5 hours were the most emotionally, sexually as well as mentally satisfying for me! I had friends come over. I gave a breakup speech as well….here it goes
time to party
I cannot forget that there was some one in my life who actually fooled me to believe that love exists. He made me feel special. So special that no one ever did (a guy in the audience frowned!). I loved HIM and I do not need to to justify to bloody any one the parameter of my feelings for HIM. He hurt me and I still stood by HIM and took refuge in HIS friendship. But I thought myself to be weak..but in reality I was the one who was strong. I took all HIS nonsense, HIS attitude, His arrogance and did not regret ones. But today, when I look back I have my last innocent prayer for him. GOD PLEASE TAKE CARE OF HIM.GIVE HIM GOOD HEALTH,HAPPY FAMILY AND SUCCESSFUL CAREER.MAY HE GET THE MOST LOVING PARTNER.PLEASE FORGIVE HIS SINS AND MAY HE NEVER GET WHAT HE GAVE ME….LET ALL MY LOVE TURN INTO BLESSINGS AND FOLLOW HIM TILL THE END.
To the man who ones made be believe that love exists…Amen!
and after that there was no end to the booze! I don’t remember what exactly I yapped after that but, I do remember thanking my friends for being there, having a close dance with my friend (the same guy who frowned!) and rest was as they say history 
Tough…But Not Impossible
Posted on July 05, 2010My fault, my stupidity and I suffer. Now I realize how stupid I have been and that is why I am suffering like this. I have many apologies to make. To people who love me, to the ones who warned me, to people who advised me and to the ones I ignored in this journey of LOVE. I have a stagnancy that once could never even come close to me. But now, I am thankful that I am alive…thanks to the medical sciences that have kept me going so far. Touching death and coming back is an experience that no one can explain. Its divine and peaceful but when you realize that you are alive, there is a sense of responsibility that takes over. The realization that you are born for a mission and no matter how hard you try you will never be able to escape life until you fulfill it.
Today through this post I beg you all to please treasure your life and move towards the goal that you have to achieve. Depression can swallow you without even letting you know.. and its like some painful memory trying to escape but is lost inside you and in order to suppress it, you suppress the happiness and the will to keep forging ahead as well.
I want to apologize to every one who has ever suffered because of me and thank you, for really caring for me even when I was too blind to appreciate your concern and notice that concerned frown on your face when I faced hell with stupidity.
I promise I will live up to your expectations. It is tough, it has always been…but not impossible…..
This might be a new beginning or a dead end..any ways I will fight for my happiness and yours…
Hello…Can Any One Help?
Posted on June 12, 2010I cannot express these feelings. I cannot express any thing today. I thought I had got over my weakness, that I had given myself a second chance, A chance of being happy. But, I was wrong. I am still stuck at that weakness. The weakness we call LOVE. I am not over HIM. For those who need a recap- I am in love with some one who is n0t in love with me. and the way I show my inability to fall out of love HE shows HIS inability of not falling in love with me. I do not know the reason. I cannot curse myself for not being HIS perfect girl. I don’t want to do that, but now I am again in that same sad state where heart ache is the worst emotion and by the end of the day I have tears in my eyes.
Again Sad..
I want him or not, I am too frustrated at myself to think that. I don’t know what I want.. probably some good sleep.
Please readers…i love you all for reading this but, Don not fall in love (Atleast till the time I bounce back with enthusiasm and write something bright and beautiful!)
Wierdo Women….Get A Life!
Posted on June 05, 2010I am back!!!! After like …a week of that stupid dumb deadlock, fear of working again and carelessness, I think I am ready to bounce back with all the enthusiasm! So What would you do if your very good friend moves away from you just because she though you are a negative person now and she is scared to ‘catch it’ from you? Yes, ladies and gentlemen today’s entry is bashing this dumb women who considers herself all smart and strong whereas, once she used to have suicidal feeling every night. I know it is not good to make fun of people and laugh at their weakness and blah blah blah..SHUT UP!
This one is better than THAT one
I have had it enough and no one supported this moron more than me in the past but NOW after like 2yrs of not being in contact this brainless wonder pops out of thin air and tells me this. Ooohh…by the way I forgot to tell her that people literally avoided her in the past and she was secretly given the tag of a total weirdo. But then, I was a good soul at that time. Now I am just a devil and God forbid if she comes across me ever in her life she will regret it!
On an honest note, she was a very precious friend and her actions did hurt me a lot. I was still of good thoughts about her before she reveled her pricey shitty thought to me. Get a life women! A ‘negative person like me’ has more admirers than the ones who avoided you.lolz!
Moral: So, if you have a true friend who really loves you, please don’t give them this shit. Cause they understand your weakness more than your lies and strengths. Also, they might end up writing a blog against you! Ys, last but not the least. Be good to those who are good to you. No one pays you for your golden heart
